Home is the Birth Place of …

By Fuana Tmarsel —-

All of us are capable of violence whether it is destruction of property or person’s physical being. Though we do not often speak of it; I believe that verbal assault on person’s being and identity, such as calling our children “stupid”, “idiot” and words of similar category are in essence violent because they destroy a child’s sense of security and well-being.

Longitudinal studies on human behavior say that there is definitely a correlation between domestic violence and child abuse. Imagine what you do to a child when you are beating his mother or verbally assaulting her in the presence of your child. Depending on the child’s age, he/she will struggle with all kinds of negative emotions such as fear, anger, shame, frustration, insecurity, and mistrust. Growing in such a home can set patterns for children that can cause them to commit violence and abuse in their teens or as young adults.

As adults we think that because they were not violated physically they are alright. But actually children who witness violence at home suffer emotionally because they are frightened yet embarrassed to speak out. These children can fall in to category that they have termed at-risk population.  They are susceptible to become high school dropouts, substance abusers, pregnant teens, or become juvenile or adult criminals. This is because often they suffer host of emotional problems such as poor self-esteem, unresolved anger or fear, and unforgiveness.  Young women may get themselves into oppressive and exploitative relationships but continue in this cycle of abuse because they don’t have the confidence to get out. Some, unfortunately, believe that it is the norm, because they have not known better.

If they have learned that violence get them what they want –then that is what they will normally resort to when other means fail. I remember a friend of a friend with an interesting life story. Let’s call him John. John is married with one daughter. When I lived in the same city as he,he did not work; and I believe that he refused to work because he was overly possessive and struggled with mistrust that made him paranoid. He and wife stayed home, most of the time – he earned a living by selling beetle nut etc.  However, on pay days, John would take his wife and daughter and head down to______ to collect money from friends.

Believe it or not, he gets enough to last him a week or 2 and then he comes around the next pay day. I do not know what he does now that most people are paid via ACH – and I wonder if John still does that. But John had a very interesting childhood – his brother died from violence, his brother as well. I only hope that he does not meet the same end.

What I am saying is that childhood experiences contribute to what happens in many people’s adult life. Yes, many people are able to take a different road and become just the opposite of what life dealt them, but all in all – it is the parent responsibility to shape an environment where his and her child can receive love, security, discipline so that he can contribute love and productivity to the society, and not just become another mouth to feed in jail.

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